Month: June 2019

What Are the Four Top Things Your Staff Hates About You as a Boss?

According to a recent LinkedIn Learning Survey of 3,000 employees, here are the four top gripes about bosses:

1)  having expectations that aren’t clear or frequently change;
2)  micromanaging;
3)  the boss is unavailable; and
4)  the boss is not fostering professional development.

Of course, we’ve all had bosses that we loathe and some of us have been bosses that others want to avoid. How do you make sure that you don’t commit one of these sins?

What Should You Do?

• Set clear expectations. Make sure that you are organized before you give out assignments. Do a “listening check”. Ask people to repeat back what they think they heard. Ask if things are not clear or if there is anything else they need to succeed on a project. Perhaps even ask them to email you  after your meeting what they think they are supposed to be accomplishing. Prepare to be depressed! You’ll think human communication is hopeless, but it will improve your communication skills.

• Stop micromanaging. I’ve written before about how to avoid micromanaging and how to handle a micromanager.

Do You Know Why Micromanagement is Bad for You As Well as Your Staff? How to Manage a Micromanager

The basics of my advice include understanding that we usually micromanage as a way of dealing with our own anxiety. If we can treat that, we won’t dump our stress onto our staff. Adopt a stance of trusting your people until they mess up, rather than the opposite. If someone consistently under performs, engage in performance management until they improve or else move them out of the organization.

• Be available. You may be traveling, meeting with your boss or just an introvert who hides in the office doing her own work. No matter what your excuse, you need to get out there and follow that old Tom Peters’ adage of “managing by walking around.” Set regular one-on-ones with your staff – at least monthly and preferably once a week if you have tight deadlines – and keep your office door open when you can.

• Prioritize development. Most of your people want to improve their skills. Give them that chance through formal classes, time with you or other experts, books and so on. Don’t fear that they’ll leave you if they become more proficient at what they do, surveys show that development opportunities have the opposite effect: you will improve their loyalty to you.

You may never be a perfect boss, but if you can avoid these traps, you’ll become a better one. 

 What’s the One Thing That Successful Leaders Never Do?

In a word: triangulate. What is triangulation? Basically, when we know we have a conflict with one person, yet we whine to someone else, usually someone who has no power to change the situation.

Why do people triangulate? The answer is POWER. The person in your group who refuses to speak with you directly does so because they don’t perceive that they have the power. Their perception may be incorrect, but it takes some kind of power – either because you’re a member of the dominant group, have your own sense of personal self-confidence, are viewed as a superstar, or some other reason – to give you the confidence to speak with someone directly.

Why do triangles persist? Frequently, because they are stable. If people deal with conflict directly, yet lack a creative approach, the relationship may become too intense and perish. With a triangle, the third leg creates stability. The three can endlessly circle around each other. Psychologists tell us that we bring third parties into a relationship to lower the intensity of a two-person relationship.

Successful leaders deal with conflict directly. They realize that indirect communication almost always swirls around to the target and doesn’t help resolve the problem. Only the person with the power to control the issue can do so.

What Should You Do?

If you’re a leader who triangulates:  Realize that your staff and other leaders know that you use this method. Closed door meetings, secret conferences, gossip that travels, the coconut telegraph in most workplaces works well and no one likes hearing about something that a leader said from a third party. What you need to do is to develop courage and realize that this technique is not effective.

If you lead someone who triangulates:  Realize that your staff speaks to others because they don’t believe they have the power to speak with you directly. You need to speak with the offenders and name the game. Speak with each person individually and advise them that you know they’ve been speaking with Sue instead of with you. Ask: “what can I do to make it easier for you to come to me directly?” When you address your entire staff, advise them that you don’t believe gossip is productive and you expect them to learn direct communication skills.

For more tips on resolving conflict skillfully, go to:

What Are the Two Most Important Skills Leaders Need to Resolve Conflict? Stop Escalating Conflict With This Quick Step

Could You Have Your Dream Job Now? It’s Easier Than You Might Think

Sadly, most of us are not satisfied with our jobs. According to a recent study by the Conference Board, only 45% of us like our jobs, down from 60% in 1987. There’s a popular theory that dream jobs require discovery; if you’re lucky you find the job that makes your heart sing. Most people, however, don’t manage this feat.

For the rest of you, consider the work of Amy Wrzesniewski, a Professor of Organizational Behavior at the Yale School of Management at Yale University. She’s studied what does or does not make people feel fulfilled at work and argues that most of us can engage in what she calls “job crafting”, the ability to tailor our job so that it creates more satisfaction – with or without the organization’s support.

She studied a hospital cleaning staff, for example, and found that both their level of satisfaction and how they defined their roles varied wildly. Some staff defined themselves as “cleaners” while others considered themselves “ambassadors”, or even “healers.”

What Should You Do?

If you want to change how you or your staff feels about work, Wrzesniewski suggests the following:

Think about what part of your work you enjoy and how it contributes to the world. What tasks give you the most satisfaction? How does any of your work contribute? The cleaners in her study, for example, went above and beyond their job descriptions by interacting with patients and their families, noticing if someone seemed sad or had no visitors, and reporting those findings to nurses or doctors.

Redefine your relationship with others. Work relationships can be the source of our greatest joy or the most frustration. Almost everyone, however, can find a way to improve relationships at work, spend less time with those they loathe or forge new friendships with people who seem interesting or fun. The most fulfilled cleaning staff, for example, loved being a part of a team and developed deep relationships with doctors and nurses.

Reframe the way you think about your job description. Cleaners who saw themselves as “healers” found the most satisfaction in their work.

The Best Four Steps to Reduce Your Own Anger

What if you’re angry? I’ve written before about dealing with angry, bullying or condescending people, but what if you’re the one who’s angry at work?

Accept that difficult people work everywhere: Even on a good day, I’m sure you can name at least one difficult person at work. On a bad day you can probably rattle off four or five without even pausing. Be they slackers, sneaks, liars, tyrants, boors, bullies, wimps, whiners, workaholics, or everyday incompetents, you’ve got your hands full with people who are making it difficult for you to do your job well and stay sane. How do you move from pissed off to powerful?

What Should You Do?

Accept that suppression usually doesn’t work. My favorite Emerson quote is: “who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear a word you’re saying.” People may not know you’re angry but you will feel worse and hurt the relationship. Unless you’re Meryl Streep, your staff or co-workers will know SOMETHING is wrong.

Don’t vent. Communication is good, but research has shown that venting just increases anger. Find a way to distract yourself instead. Listen to your favorite song, solve a crossword puzzle, take a walk and smell the flowers.

Understand that reappraisal does work. What’s reappraisal? Psychologists may call it reframing. Basically, reappraisal involves telling yourself a different story about the situation and giving what happened a different meaning.

If a new staff member missed a deadline, for example, tell yourself that they must have had a good excuse this time and that they will do better in the future as they understand your rules. Tons of research has shown that reappraisal will make you less angry.

For example, in the Handbook of Emotion Regulation:

Experimental studies have shown that reappraisal leads to decreased levels of negative emotion experience and increased positive emotion experience (Gross, 1998a; Feinberg, Willer, Antonenko, & John, 2012; Lieberman, Inagaki, Tabibnia, & Crockett, 2011; Ray, McRae, Ochsner, & Gross, 2010; Szasz, Szentagotai, & Hofmann, 2011; Wolgast, Lundh, & Viborg, 2011), has no impact on or even decreases sympathetic nervous system responses (Gross, 1998a; Kim & Hamann, 2012; Stemmler, 1997; Shiota & Levenson, 2012; Wolgast et al., 2011), and leads to lesser activation in emotion-generative brain regions such as the amygdala (Goldin et al., 2008; Kanske, Heissler, Schonfelder, Bongers, & Wessa, 2011; Ochsner & Gross, 2008; Ochsner et al., 2004) and ventral striatum (Staudinger, Erk, Abler, & Walter, 2009).

4. Try forgiveness. Whether you rely on a religious framework or science, forgiveness can make you happier and less angry.

But don’t accept abuse or poor performance! Of course, none of this means that you should accept poor performance, mistreatment, bullying, discrimination or harassment at work. If you’re involved in any of these situations, you may need to manage someone’s performance, file a complaint or even leave the organization. Yet it’s easy to make the wrong decision about what you should do in a bad situation when you’re angry. Use the steps above to calm down and then decide on the best course of action.

Lean Back? Are Most Male Managers Now Afraid to Mentor Women?

Good News/Bad News: The good news is that most companies are now taking sexual harassment and discrimination more seriously. The bad news is that “60 percent of male managers say they are uncomfortable mentoring, socializing or having one-on-one chats with women. That number is 14 points higher than last year,” according to a recent survey by LeanIn.org and Survey Monkey.

The Paranoia Problem: Since most leaders are still men, this kind of paranoia severely limits the advancement of women. Mentoring is the way that people learn what I call “unwritten rules”. If men are afraid to mentor women — most likely out of the backlash from #METOO — women won’t know what those rules might be. All organizations have unwritten rules. They couldn’t write everything down or the rule book would be 1,000 pages long. If you walk into a conference room, for example, and don’t know that a certain chair belongs to the leader, sitting in that chair could be a huge faux pas. A small example, of course, but these kinds of “insider rules” add up if you don’t know about them.

Not harassing is not enough. We need men to support women’s careers. That’s how we’ll achieve a workplace that is truly equal for all.

– Sheryl Sandberg, COO, Facebook and LeanIn.org founder
– Marc Pritchard, Chief Brand Officer, Proctor & Gamble

The Discrimination Claim: I’ve found that many leaders in our sessions or executive coaching don’t understand that if they conduct informal mentoring meetings for men, they’re engaging in discrimination if they ignore those sessions for women. In addition, if there’s been a previous claim of discrimination, backing away from women could result in retaliation claims.

What Should You Do?
EDUCATE LEADERS:  Make sure that they understand that treating men and women differently because of their own fear is discrimination and potentially, retaliation.

CHANGE TRAINING AND EXECUTIVE COACHING SESSIONS:
When you conduct workshops or executive coaching on sexual harassment and discrimination, make sure that you include how appropriate mentoring should work with both men and women.

MAKE MENTORING A PART OF PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS FOR MANAGERS:  Many leaders have advanced because of technical skills, not their ability to mentor and coach their staff. Include evaluations concerning these skills. Make even-handed mentoring matter.