We Need To Talk: If you want to strike fear in the heart of your staff (or your spouse or partner!), just say: “we need to talk.” Most leaders walk in without having a well thought out idea about what they want to say.
Avoiding Tough Conversations: We all have excuses for avoiding tough conversations: lack of time, lack of energy, fear of losing a friend or starting a fight, and lawsuit paranoia. None of these excuses will save you when faced with an employee who needs you.
Your Staff Needs You: Yes, employees need you. New employees or employees who are having performance issues need frequent – preferably daily – contact with you. All the research on younger workers (the so-called Generation X or Y or Millennial Generations) points to the idea that the best and brightest of that group have been raised by parents, teachers and coaches who constantly gave them feedback and coaching. They expect, need, and thrive on it. While someone from an older generation might resent all this intrusion, others will most likely expect your “face time” (or phone time, if you’re managing remotely) – and feel neglected if they don’t get it.
The Power of Scripts: To soothe your own anxiety before approaching a tough conversation, don’t overlook the power of scripts to help you do it correctly.
What Should You Do?
Write Out Scripts: Yes, I’m serious. Before you walk into a meeting with a staff member who is having performance or other issues, write out what you’re going to say. This will help you feel more prepared, lessen your own nervousness and help you be more skillful.
Seek Help: Talk to your HR rep or other conflict expert, read books on difficult conversations, or speak to another leader you admire to help you prepare. Most people avoid difficult conversations, so there’s no shame in seeking assistance. Workplace studies have shown that few things affect an employee’s performance, loyalty to the organization, or desire to stay, more than his or her relationship with their immediate boss. It’s well worth the time and effort to make sure that yours is a good one.
Consider This Sample Script: Here’s an example of a sample script for an employee with performance issues:
GRACE: Terry, I need to talk to you about your performance.
TERRY: Yes?
GRACE: You don’t seem to be meeting your daily goals anymore. (States the problem clearly.) I’m wondering what’s going on from your perspective? (Asks open-ended questions).
TERRY: I don’t know. I just don’t seem to have any enthusiasm anymore.
GRACE: I see that. What do you think would make that change?
TERRY: I’m not really sure what to do.
GRACE: Well, we need to find a way to help you improve. Is there any part of your job that you enjoy?
TERRY: I don’t like many cold calls at all anymore. What I do like is the follow-up calls for existing customers.
GRACE: Interesting. Well, here’s what I’d like you to do. Keep a log all week of which activities you do that help increase your enthusiasm and which do not. I’d like to find out what gives you energy at work. (Checking for strengths mismatch). Here’s a form I’ve used in the past for this kind of analysis. I’m not sure that we can meet your needs with this job, but as a first step, I’d like to find out where you’re at.
TERRY: Great, I’ll try it.
For more information about how to have difficult conversations and resolve conflict, read these helpful tips:
Difficult Conversations: How NOT to Get Them on Your Side
How to Tackle a Tough Conversation by Breaking it Down
Want to Resolve a Conflict Fast? Here’s How to Settle a Dispute Like Herb Kelleher
What’s the Surprising and Most Effective Way to Resolve Conflict at Work?
Stop Escalating Conflict With This Quick Step
August 5, 2019
