Change Your Personality? Here’s How
IS CHANGE REALLY POSSIBLE? Most of us have something about ourselves, our partner or that annoying co-worker that we would like to change. In my coaching practice, I am frequently charged with specific things that a leader wants to change about a staff member. In my work with the coaching client, they may initially resist the leader’s request, alleging some version of the claim: “That’s just the way I am!”
THE LATEST RESEARCH: As Olga Khazan, author of the book “Weird” writes in a recent New York Times article, “You Can Be a Different Person After the Pandemic”: “Our personalities are not set in stone. They are more like sand dunes.”
While previous theories might have assumed that our personalities did not change after childhood, more recent research has revealed that we can change well into adulthood, and that the brain is more elastic than previously assumed.
Khazan cites research that found that adults can change the five basic traits that make up personality – extroversion, openness to experience, emotional stability, agreeableness, and conscientiousness – within just a few months with concerted effort.
ACTING “AS IF” AND SPECIFIC STEPS: Change requires two things: 1) acting “as if” we are the person we would like to be and 2) setting goals and specific steps. Therapy, apps, and coaching can all help us stay on track.
What Should You Do?
FOR LEADERS: When coaching specific staff members that you need to change, do not accept their excuses that they are who they are and cannot evolve. Set specific performance goals and consequences for new behaviors. Be sure to be behaviorally specific, rather than asking them to change into someone less confrontational, more assertive, more respectful and the like. Identify what they would specifically do and say if they acted the way you want them to behave, as well as what they currently do or say that is unacceptable. Offer coaching, books, videos and so on to help them through the process.
FOR INDIVIDUALS: Practice small steps toward behaving the way you want to be. If, for example, you want to be more open to new experiences, take a walk on a different path or go to lunch at a new restaurant, rather than immediately taking up sky diving or swimming with sharks. Use lists, apps or an accountability partner to keep you on track.
For more suggestions about how to change your staff or yourself, go to other articles in our Monday Memo collection.
https://www.workplacesthatwork.com/resources/monday-memo-archives/
What Do You Think?
Have you or your staff experienced burnout during this last year? How did you cope? Contact us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
Did You Know?
Our leadership and management workshops and coaching – both in person and live– help you deliver real change. Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
Coaching and webinars on these and other management and leadership topics can all be delivered virtually.
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Read Lynne’s book “We Need to Talk — Tough Conversations with Your Employee” and learn to tackle any topic with sensitivity and smarts
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April 19, 2021
