Three Ways to Coach Empathy and Why You Should

Three Ways to Coach Empathy and Why You Should

DEFINING EMPATHY: According to Stanford psychologist Jamil Zaki, author of The War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World, in a recent interview on Hidden Brain, empathy, at its deepest level is understanding that someone else’s worldview is just as real as your own.

THE EMPATHY PROBLEM WITH LEADERS: We’re frequently asked to coach leaders who’ve been accused of harassment, discrimination or just being overall jerks, especially those who are condescending or demeaning. Read my article Do You Know Why Condescending and Demeaning Behavior Continues and What You Should Do? | (workplacesthatwork.com) Yet when we start coaching those executives, they don’t understand why their staff would think that. Our first step is always moving them toward this link. Regardless of the complaint, we find that the underlying issue is a lack of empathy.

THE TYPES OF EMPATHY: According to Zaki, there are three types of empathy:

1)    Emotional empathy, where we vicariously feel the feelings of others;

2)    Cognitive empathy, where we may not feel others’ feelings, but we can intellectually understand them; and

3)    Compassion or concern, where we have concern for what people are going through and a desire for their wellbeing.

Someone on the autism spectrum, for example, may struggle with cognitive empathy but they can care. Conversely, someone with psychopathy, can understand someone’s feelings but not share them.

LESS EMPATHY TODAY: Studies have shown that we’re less empathetic today than we were in previous centuries, perhaps because we live more urban and solitary lives, the anonymity of the Internet or that our interactions with the people we meet are more transactional. In previous eras, when we lived in more rural environments or smaller towns, we were both more likely to interact with others who were different than us and more forced to know them on more human levels because we had to depend upon them for our survival, and we knew that we would see them again at school, religious functions, or local clubs. Today – especially with so much online work and school — those forced interactions and dependence may be less common.

What Should You Do?

1.  RECOGNIZE THE ISSUE: If you or someone you’re coaching is struggling with empathy, leading to unacceptable behavior, realize what’s happening and that empathy is an emotional muscle that you can strengthen with practice.
2. EXPAND YOUR TRIBE: Ironically, various studies have shown that the more empathetic you are to your own group or kind, the less empathy you’ll have towards strangers outside your tribe. Recognizing the problem can lead you or those you coach to experiences that take you outside your comfort zone and help you understand other people.
3. EXERCISE YOUR EMPATHY MUSCLE: Acting in plays, reading novels and certain kinds of virtual simulations can force you to live through someone else’s experience, increasing empathy with their plight. If you do these kinds of exercises, your ability to understand and care about how others experience the world will grow.

What Do You Think?

Have you found ways to experience flow during this past year? Contact us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com