Are You Listening to Me? If Not, You’re Probably Limiting Your Advancement

Are You Listening to Me? If Not, You’re Probably Limiting Your Advancement

Good Communication is Rare: And everyone thinks they do it well! Whether you are a leader or an associate, one of the fastest ways to improve your skills is to really learn how to communicate.

Start with Listening: Even if you think you don’t know how to talk to a group, an executive or an important customer, you can always gain points by listening well. Asking open-ended questions and then really listening to the answers is so rare that people at every level will appreciate your effort.

Listening Has Three Parts: We like to think that listening is simple but it’s a complex skill. One of the reasons people don’t feel heard is if we don’t understand what part of listening, we may be missing.

What Should You Do?

Make sure that you understand and practice all three parts of listening:

1)     First, there is the question of whether the sound has made it into your ears. Do you have decent hearing? Was the room too noisy? Were you distracted by your phone? Some people have poor listening skills because they have auditory processing problems, which can be an actual learning disability. If you are one of those people, you may need to ask the speaker to repeat what they said or request a visual explanation.

2)     Second, did you have the bandwidth and storage capacity for the information you just heard? If you have too much on your mind, you devalue the person speaking, or you were busy formulating your response, the sounds probably went “in one ear and out the other”.

3)     Third, did you clarify what the speaker wanted from you and did you agree with any request that the speaker made? It took me many years to learn when my former husband said “OL”, he simply meant that he heard me, not that he was agreeing to deal with my overwhelm about the kids, walk the dog that night, or whatever. On the opposite end of the spectrum is the listener who always wants to fix your perceived problem, even if you never requested unsolicited advice or problem solving. For a hilarious take on stereotypical gender issues on this defect, watch the short video “It’s Not About the Nail”.

Of course, both men and women can be “fixers” and/or poor listeners. I tend to fall into the category of those who try to solve problems immediately, while one of the members of my team, Effley Brooks, with whom I frequently co-facilitate, tends to build relationships through developing rapport first. I have had to learn to listen well and clarify what the speaker wants before I jump into action.

What Do You Think?

Do people in your organization really know how to listen well? What skills do they use? Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com