Be Specific — Especially NOW!

FEEDBACK THE RIGHT WAY: I am frequently asked for advice from clients on performance evaluations, coaching problems, or other challenging conversations that they need to have with associates. When they tell me what they are planning to say, my advice frequently comes back to the same three things: be specific, be specific, be specific.

THE VAGUENESS TRAP: Especially when we want to avoid confrontation, we may hide behind vague terms such as attitude, respect, motivation, or the like. Yet these words mean different things to different people. We’re not doing anyone any favors by neglecting straight talk. People relate to examples and clarity, not ambiguity.

NOW ESPECIALLY: Many of us are doing double duty as parents or caretakers, or we are working from ill-equipped home bunkers, isolated from family and friends. We may be afraid for the future, unemployed or ill. Don’t add to anyone’s woes by creating confusion with your words. We all have trouble listening well when we are afraid or distracted.

What Should You Do?

TELL THE TRUTH FAST: If you must deliver painful news or feedback, don’t cheerfully chat about the beautiful weather, baseball or their kids. Get to the point so that they don’t feel blindsided by your chumminess. If you need to point out a major flaw in their performance, lay them off, or reduce their responsibilities, the action will hurt, no matter how much you try to soften the blow.

USE EXAMPLES: With feedback, examples are key. Don’t just tell someone they listen poorly. Provide examples of specific meetings where you watched them talk over people, repeat the same point someone else already made, or ignore a pertinent question. If you believe someone has a bad attitude, give them specific examples of what a good attitude looks like: helping a team mate out even if it’s not their job, raising spirits during this dark time with appropriate humor, and so on.

ASK FOR SPECIFIC KINDS OF IMPROVEMENT: Don’t just tell them that things need to change. Let them know what you want and by when. Make sure that they understand what needs to happen to restore your confidence if they are remaining in your organization. Plan to review their progress on a reasonable schedule.

For more information on this issue, go to:

Communicating Effectively During Conflict 

A Systematic Approach to Creative Conflict Management