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 Want Someone to Really Change? Don’t Scream

Does outrage work?  We are surrounded by outrage in social media, on cable TV, and sometimes with our own friends and family. It’s easy to take on outrage as a habit, to become upset about things over which we have no control.

Why We Like Outrage:  Social scientists tell us that outrage activates the pleasure centers of the brain, giving us the same surge of pleasure that we receive from chocolate or cocaine. Because of this phenomenon, it’s easy to see why many people seem to triggered and angry so much of the time.

Is Outrage Effective for a Leader?  As leaders, we may be tempted to use outrage to rally the troops, or to encourage change, but does this work? The research says no. As Shankar Vedantam, the host of NPR’s Hidden Brain reasons, this makes intuitive sense: “When was the last time you changed your mind because someone screamed at you?”, he asks.

What Should You Do?

Lay Out the Case for Change:  Whether it’s individual or cultural change, people want facts, they want to know the why behind the change. And, they especially want to know what tools they’ll be given to manage their own work during change. Harping – especially in an outraged way — on the big vision isn’t likely to move your folks. What does work is making sure they understand the resources and support they’ll receive to grow in the new direction.

Use Empathy:  Your associates will respond to empathy — the idea that you understand who they are and where they are coming from. Without that, real and long-lasting change is unlikely to happen.

Sustain the Message:  Groups become cynical if they are bombarded with constantly changing goals and expectations, the “flavor of the month” problem. Make sure that you will be willing to stick with the change over the long haul.

For more articles on inspiring change go to:
Want to Change Your Employees’ Minds? Forget Facts!
What’s the #1 Tool to Make Sure Your Vision Becomes a Reality? Surprisingly, Checklists!
Want to Inspire Others as a Leader? Just Smile!

What Do You Think?
What do you find has inspired people to change?  Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com

 How Does the NBA Manager’s Free Speech Rights Relate to Your Workplace?

The China Debate: The NBA Rocket’s manager, Daryl Morey, created an international kerfuffle this week by tweeting (and then deleting) that we should “Fight for freedom. Stand with Hong Kong.”

While NBA Commissioner Adam Silver initially issued a statement that appeared to criticize the tweet, he later issued a clarification that said the league is not apologizing for Houston Rockets general manager Daryl Morey’s since-deleted tweet showing support for anti-government protesters in Hong Kong.

China blustered in response to the back-and-forth and then the sports arm of Chinese state broadcaster CCTV announced that it would stop broadcasting the NBA preseason games, even though NBA basketball is hugely popular in China and a significant source of revenue to the league. China threatened additional retaliation to come against the league.

The NBA Supports Free Speech: At a news conference, Silver announced that the league supported free speech and would not censor what managers, players or employees said. Contrast this response to the way the NFL has handled Colin Kaepernick’s “taking a knee” in support of the Black Lives Matter movement and the resulting debates.

Learn more by reading my articles on free speech at work.
How Do You Referee Free Speech Fights at Work?
Speech in the Workplace, Presidential Campaigns and What You Should Do

What About You? How does all this relate to how you manage your workplace? Many employees who are with private organizations are surprised to learn, that they do not generally have free speech rights at work. (The exception to this rule is public employees.) Employers can regulate speech, just as they regulate other kinds of workplace behavior. We all give up something in exchange for a paycheck and free speech rights at work are one of them. Harassment policies, statements against talking about politics at work and the like are all examples of limiting free speech at work. An exception to this rule would be if employees are engaged in “organizing activity”, speaking to each other about safety issues, labor contracts, pay or benefits. Under National Labor Relations Board rules, that activity is protected speech.

Outside of Work? If employees are exercising their free speech rights outside of work, however, the rules are different. Marching in a KKK parade, speech at a rally for gay rights, and posting on social media, are generally protected free speech and employees cannot be fired or disciplined for exercising these rights. The exception would be if employees are revealing confidential or trade secret information to the public.

What About Contractors, Temps and the Like? The same rules apply to workers in these categories. In theory, sports leagues can ban certain kinds of speech through specific contracts with managers, players and other associates. Contracts are governed by the language of the contract and are generally enforceable unless there is something that is illegal or against public policy in the agreement.

What Should You Do?

Educate: Make sure that your associates understand what the limits are of their free speech rights at work. Especially with the 2020 elections on the horizon, clashes are bound to occur and letting people know now would be wise.

Model: Make sure that your own speech is thoughtful and follows your organization’s policies on harassment, disclosure of confidential information and so on. If you believe that political debate at work can quickly degenerate into derogatory stereotypes about gender, race and so on, make sure that you follow your own rules.

What Do You Think?

 Do You Know How and Why to Stop Gossip in Your Workplace?

The Challenge:  Gossip happens in most work places unless you have a firm program to make sure people don’t spread rumors about their co-workers.

Why Should You Care:  Gossip may seem harmless, but it’s corrosive. As anyone who has ever been the subject of a smear campaign can tell you, gossip hurts, resulting in lower morale and some people exiting the organization. Gossip can be a classic time-waster, and may lead to more serious claims of bullying, harassment and defamation. Also, gossip sometimes causes the discloser of your organization’s trade secrets or leaks of privileged information about customers or clients.

The Effect on Teams:  If you are trying to build an effective and cohesive team, gossip can cause a breakdown of such efforts. People take sides, rumors abound and the targets feel isolated, destroying whatever progress you may have made.

What Should You Do?

Eliminate gossip with these three steps:

1)  Set the Ground Rules:  When you take on a new group or add new people to an existing team, let them know that you do not tolerate gossip or rumors. Educate them on the dangers of this kind of talk or email and remind them that they certainly wouldn’t want anyone gossiping about them.

2)  Walk Your Talk:  Make sure that you don’t engage in careless talk and enforce your rule against gossip if you hear it with meetings and consequences.

3)  Speak with the Perpetrators:  If gossip or rumors reach your ears, act quickly to meet with the individuals or groups involved. Don’t equivocate.

Say something like:

“Team, it has come to my attention that someone has been spreading rumors about Mary’s private life” (assuming that everyone knows the rumor is about Mary). Or, “It has come to my attention that someone has been spreading rumors about people’s private lives”… or the company’s trade secrets or clients.

“As you know, this kind of gossip is unacceptable, and you can expect consequences.”

Then be sure that you follow through with consequences for the talkers, if you know who they are.

Follow up with the target of the rumors to see if they need anything else in order to work successfully with the team. If things seem more serious, consult with HR or your legal counsel. For more tips about how to handle gossip, go to: Gossiping Workers

What Do You Think?

 Do We Really Need to Revisit the Past to Go Forward?

Cleaning Up Issues:  Many times, when I’m coaching executives who are in conflict with someone else in their organization, they want to revisit the past in order to go forward and work successfully with that person or group in the future. My question always is: WHY?

The Myth of Venting:  I’m in favor of venting, if it’s to a trusted and confidential outside source, but I find that if it’s directed to a person with whom you are in conflict, venting rarely works. Instead, that move usually just re-opens old wounds and leads to new hurt feelings.

The Blame Game:  When someone tells me that they want to revisit the past, what they really mean is that they want to blame someone else for what went wrong. On the rare occasion that they want to apologize or acknowledge their own mistakes, I’ll support them in going forward, but otherwise, I advise against it. Read my Monday Memo What’s the Surprising and Most Effective Way to Resolve Conflict at Work?

Clearing Up Misunderstandings:  So many conflicts are simply misunderstandings that have been allowed to simmer. If your goal is to clear up these misperceptions, go ahead. What most people want to do instead, however, is beat up their opponent one more time by explaining how everything that happened was their fault. Most of the time, this move fails.

What Should You Do?

Apologize:  Even if you feel that you were only 1% at fault, own that bit and express a sincere regret. Take the high road. Ask if there is anything you need to do at this point, or going forward, to make amends.

Clear Up Misunderstandings:  Assume misunderstandings before you assume that someone else is out to get you.

State What You Learned:   Whatever went down before is history and there’s nothing you can do about it, but you CAN do something different in the future. Explain what you have learned and encourage the other person or group to also offer what they might do differently next time. Try to steer the conversation away from debate and blame. Read my Monday Memo Are You Using Debate or Dialogue? Does it Matter?

Our broken hearts. On a Monday, it’s easy to lose heart. Your “to-do” list looms with over 100 items, the phone starts ringing, the line out your door began at 7:30 am and you already have over 50 emails marked “urgent”. Not to mention that the daily news with its pile-up of poverty, political polarization, injustice and melting polar icecaps threatens to drag us all down.

 Leaders and burn-out. Many of the executives we coach suffer from burn-out. The expectations of stakeholders seem impossible, they have too many direct reports demanding their attention and too little time for family, friends and recreation. Their workload feels Sisyphean, with little progress made at the end of each day.

What Should You Do?  

The larger view: Start with reading the celebrated American Buddhist nun’s most recent writing on not losing heart. This excerpt was taken from Pema Chödrön’s most recent book Welcoming the Unwelcome: Wholehearted Living in a Brokenhearted World.

Basically, she offers a simply shift in perspective. Citing stories from her work with students who found out they were dying from cancer and prison inmates with life sentences, she reminds readers that we don’t have time for pettiness. We need to pull ourselves up and remind ourselves that everything we do matters. Do we want to add to the suffering of the world or try to maintain our own confidence and well-being? If we can do so, we’ll benefit our family, our workplace and everyone with whom we communicate. “Happiness is contagious,” writes Chodron.

So is depression, as recent brain science has confirmed. It’s hard to function as an effective leader when dogged by depression.

Perspective and problems. We can’t solve it all today, but we can do what we can today. While we can’t solve all our work, family and social problems in one fell swoop, we can add to the good in the planet or contribute to the bad. What we do matters, even if it’s just in a small sphere of influence. Ripple effects are real.

Read my article “Leading Through the Storm – The Eagle Perspective” and explore why how you view problems can affect how and if they get solved.

What Do You Think? 

What Does the “e” Stand For?  I’ve written before about how the “e” in email stands for “evidence” instead of electronic and why you shouldn’t hit “send” until you are sure that you would want the Russians, your boss or a judge reading your email.

The Problem That Will Not End:  Even though I have nagged about this, many of you are still sending out emails that are embarrassing and sometimes, just plain evil.

What’s the Big Deal?  Many of the conflicts I have tried to resolve involve someone emailing a message that they shouldn’t have. For example, I was once asked to resolve an issue between a group of developers who were so conflicted, they couldn’t get the product out the door. When I met with them, I learned that they were emailing each other comments during our session, such as “Dog-breath, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say.”

In another mess, a woman accused her boss of harassment. It wasn’t harassment, but she didn’t know what else to call it. He never spoke to her, he just emailed her assignments and even did her performance review on email, even though her office was right next door.

In a third situation, an executive I worked with accidentally hit “send” to the wrong person. He meant to send it to a colleague, asking for help, but instead, routed it to the person about whom he’d just made withering comments. You can imagine how that went down.

What Should You Do?  

1)  Reserve email for facts.  Reserve email for accurate information. If you are in a conflict, walk down the hall or pick up the phone. Don’t hide behind your keyboard. If you can’t – or won’t – say it to someone’s face, leave the communication alone until you can.

2)  Recognize that most of communication is not just words.  Communication experts cite different numbers, but most believe that around 77% of communication is based on tone and body language. If I write a flip comment in an email, you may think that I’m seriously attacking you.

3)  Train your people on email etiquette.  Make sure that everyone on your team understands that email can be evil, create a permanent and unflattering record, and seriously damage relationships. Enforce your rules about waiting before they hit send.

What Do You Think? 

THE MOST COMMON ISSUE: When we conduct leadership and management sessions, the most common challenge mentioned is “communication”: communicating with employees, communicating with bosses, communicating with suppliers, and on and on.

WHO TAUGHT YOU? Most of us model the communication skills we learned in our families, our workplace culture, or (gasp!) the media. None of these may be good models.

HOW TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION: The good news is that skillful communication can be learned and improved, just like a new computer program or a new engineering technique. What you need is three things: 1) valuing good communication; 2) taking the time to learn; and 3) practice, practice, practice.

What Should You Do?  

I’ve written many Monday Memos and other articles about improving communication. Check out:

A Surefire Way to Get People to Listen

How to Motivate Employees With Gratitude

Workplace Gossip: Should You or Shouldn’t You? A Surprising NEW Study May Have Some Answers

Here’s a quick review on leadership communication:

1)  Remember filters. We all hear things through our own filters that can include or assumptions, biases, our own history, experience, and so on.	1)  Assume that others hear the same thing as you.
2)  Listen well. Consider how you would listen is you were called as an objective witness in court.	2)  Use debate, rather than dialogue.
3)  Clarify. Make sure that you understand what the other person is saying. Ask open-ended questions (who, what, where, when) until you do.	3)  Launch into a response when you’re not sure you understand.
4)  Summarize. At the end of the conversation, summarize what you think they said.	4)  Skip this step.
5)  Assume responsibility for the communication. As a leader, you need to model appropriate communication.	5)  Blame others for their lack of skill.
6)  Check out misunderstandings. Assume miscommunication.	6)  Assume someone was trying to attack or undermine you.
7)  Use what, how or and.	7)  Avoid “buts”.
8)  Avoid condescending or demeaning comments.	8)  Talk down or use belittling language.
9)  Use “I” statements.	9)  Use blaming “you” or “you always”.
10)  Use requests.	10)  Use complaints.

THE MOST COMMON ISSUE: When we conduct leadership and management sessions, the most common challenge mentioned is “communication”: communicating with employees, communicating with bosses, communicating with suppliers, and on and on.

WHO TAUGHT YOU? Most of us model the communication skills we learned in our families, our workplace culture, or (gasp!) the media. None of these may be good models.

HOW TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION: The good news is that skillful communication can be learned and improved, just like a new computer program or a new engineering technique. What you need is three things: 1) valuing good communication; 2) taking the time to learn; and 3) practice, practice, practice.

What Should You Do?  

I’ve written many Monday Memos and other articles about improving communication. Check out:

A Surefire Way to Get People to Listen

How to Motivate Employees With Gratitude

Workplace Gossip: Should You or Shouldn’t You? A Surprising NEW Study May Have Some Answers

Here’s a quick review on leadership communication:

1)  Remember filters. We all hear things through our own filters that can include or assumptions, biases, our own history, experience, and so on.	1)  Assume that others hear the same thing as you.
2)  Listen well. Consider how you would listen is you were called as an objective witness in court.	2)  Use debate, rather than dialogue.
3)  Clarify. Make sure that you understand what the other person is saying. Ask open-ended questions (who, what, where, when) until you do.	3)  Launch into a response when you’re not sure you understand.
4)  Summarize. At the end of the conversation, summarize what you think they said.	4)  Skip this step.
5)  Assume responsibility for the communication. As a leader, you need to model appropriate communication.	5)  Blame others for their lack of skill.
6)  Check out misunderstandings. Assume miscommunication.	6)  Assume someone was trying to attack or undermine you.
7)  Use what, how or and.	7)  Avoid “buts”.
8)  Avoid condescending or demeaning comments.	8)  Talk down or use belittling language.
9)  Use “I” statements.	9)  Use blaming “you” or “you always”.
10)  Use requests.	10)  Use complaints.

Why Should You Care?  If you want to stop a conversation, try debate! When we’re debating someone, we’re frequently not listening, we’re looking for ways to poke holes in the other’s argument.

Why Listen?  If we’re not listening, we never really gain understanding about why the other person wants what they want. When that happens, solutions rarely emerge. Truly listening is difficult, especially when you’re in a conflict with someone. Learn to communicate effectively during conflict. 

What’s Your Real Goal?  It’s like that adage: do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?  Most of us would choose happy but what happens when we’re in a debate with someone is that we don’t remember what our goal might be. True, sometimes we’re so mad or hurt that all we want to do is retaliate and hurt someone back. Yet for most of us in work relationships – especially those of us who are leaders – what we want to do is solve the current dilemma. And most of the time, the way to do that is dialogue NOT debate.

What Should You Do?  

Educate yourself and your people about the difference between dialogue and debate. Discuss the pros and cons of each mode. Encourage everyone to use dialogue.

Here’s a tool you can use to remind yourself and others of the difference:

For more information about practical communication skills read these Monday Memos:

How to Communicate Since Employees Are as Difficult to Communicate with as Rats
https://www.workplacesthatwork.com/newsletter/july18-2016.php

How to Tackle a Tough Conversation by Breaking it Down
https://www.workplacesthatwork.com/newsletter/june26-2017.php

Why People Don’t Talk to Each Other Directly and How You Can Turn This Around
https://www.workplacesthatwork.com/why-people-dont-talk-to-each-other-directly-and-how-you-can-turn-this-around/

Four Hundred Years Ago: This week marks four hundred years since the first slave ships arrived on our shores at Point Comfort, now known as Fort Monroe. For an excellent perspective on their journey, listen to the Reveal podcast “Year of Return” .

The Door of No Return: The first slaves left from the “Door of No Return”, one of the slave “castles” on the Africa coast of Ghana where they were sometimes held for months before making the horrible journey across the Atlantic.

Is it Our Problem? There is a raging debate in many circles about whether we should care about something that happened four hundred years ago, and events that those of us who were alive today did not engineer. Yet many descendants of those slaves – some of whom may work for you – want acknowledgment of their history. You may not agree that you should be accountable for slavery, current discrimination or the like, but sheer acknowledgment can go a long way.

What Should You Do?  

Lead Diversity and Inclusion Efforts: As a leader, encourage your organization to participate in diversity and inclusion efforts. Plan training, mentoring, advancement, community outreach efforts, recruitment and retention of employees who may be different in some way from most of your organization.

Stay Open to Feedback About Your Own Leadership: It’s easy to be defensive about our own leadership. Yet those of us who lead people who are different from us frequently need coaching to make sure that we examine our own actions. Are we truly fair and consistent in how we treat those we lead? Have we been open to 360 or other reviews about how we’re perceived? Do we seek out coaching before someone else thinks we should?

Learn More: As a leader, try to take the time to learn more about different cultures, viewpoints and backgrounds of employees and potential employees.