Newsletter – Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey and Why Victims Don’t Confront

November 6, 2017

Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey and Why Victims Don’t Confront

Every day it seems we hear about a new powerful man (so far they’ve all been men) accused of sexual harassment or sexual assault – sometimes from decades ago. Among the common rumblings I’ve heard about these allegations are questions concerning why victims don’t confront their harassers when the events occur. When we conduct training on these issues with groups or with one-on-one sensitivity sessions, people frequently ask:  “why didn’t the victim come to me?”

“The most common reasons are that they’re afraid they won’t be believed and/or afraid of retaliation.”

In my experience, there are a number of reasons:
  • Embarrassment;
  • Afraid people will not believe them;
  • Wondering if they did something wrong;
  • Fear of retaliation;
  • Fear for their personal safety;
  • Fear of being laughed at;
  • Don’t want to get the harasser in trouble;
  • Fear of their partner/spouse/family finding out;
  • Don’t want to be bothered;
  • Unaware that it violates the organizations’ policy;
  • Fear of negative career effect;
  • Fear of being ostracized;
  • Cultural restraints; and
  • Don’t want the harasser to know they are vulnerable

The most common reasons are that they’re afraid they won’t be believed and/or afraid of retaliation. The chorus of voices joining into the “me too” campaign also raised these reasons.

What Should You Do?

The most important thing that you should do is to create a “complaint friendly” environment. Leaders sometimes suggest that they have enough complaints but trust me, you want to know what’s happening, not have the first notice be a subpoena that lands on your desk.
Second, be a good role model. Make sure that people know that you would never engage in this behavior, nor will you tolerate it in others.

Intervene when you see inappropriate behavior and speak with complainants privately so they feel safe.

 Did You Know

In all our sessions on diversity, inclusion and harassment issues we focus on how to intervene and

how to create a “complaint friendly” environment.

Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com

Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at:
Be sure to read Lynne’s book on sexual harassment.
Sexual Harassment
Workplaces That Work | (303) 216-1020 | lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
3985 Wonderland Hill | Suite 106 | Boulder, CO 80304

Newsletter – What Are the Two Most Important Skills Leaders Need to Resolve Conflict?

October 23, 2017

What Are the Two Most Important Skills Leaders Need to Resolve Conflict?

Conflict SkillsGiven that leaders spend 30% of their time resolving unproductive conflict and that executives spend 20% of their time in litigation related activities, resolving conflict productively and skillfully should be at the top of your critical skills list.

Before we conduct conflict management workshops, we frequently have participants complete our highly-validated emotional intelligence (EQi) assessments. While the assessment measures a wide variety of skills, the two most important for successful conflict management are empathy and assertiveness.

“If you know how effective your team is in engaging empathy and assertiveness, conflict management will improve considerably.”

Empathy is recognizing, understanding, and appreciating how other people feel. You need to be able to articulate your understanding of another’s perspective and to behave in a way that respects others’ feelings.
Assertiveness involves communicating feelings, beliefs and thoughts openly, and defending personal rights and values in a socially acceptable, non-offensive, and non-destructive manner.
What’s important to recognize is that you need both of these skills in order to resolve conflict successfully. High empathy, without assertiveness, may result in a lack of personal or organizational boundaries, as well as an inability to appropriately advocate for your legitimate interests. Similarly, high assertiveness without high empathy, frequently discourages people from approaching you with their concerns and may also discourage sustainable agreements, meaning that people agree but don’t follow through.

What Should You Do?

Consider assessing yourself and your staff in order to understand their skill level with both empathy and assertiveness and where they have an opportunity to improve. If you know how effective your team is in engaging empathy and assertiveness, conflict management will improve considerably. Follow up that assessment with a useful conflict management class to provide additional essential skills.

 Did You Know

We provide both EQi assessments and conflict management workshops.

Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com

Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at:
 
Be sure to read Lynne’s book The Power of a Good Fight.
The Power of a Good Fight
Workplaces That Work | (303) 216-1020 | lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
3985 Wonderland Hill | Suite 106 | Boulder, CO 80304

Newsletter – Why People Don’t Talk to Each Other Directly and How You Can Turn This Around

October 23, 2017

Why People Don’t Talk to Each Other Directly and How You Can Turn This Around

DirectIt’s some of the most annoying behavior in any organization: a leader who avoids conflict, associates who gossip instead of speaking to the person who can solve the problem, and managers who haven’t spoken to one another in years. The common denominator in all of these situations is a lack of direct communication.
Why don’t people communicate directly? Two reasons: 1) fear of someone they view as more powerful; and 2) lack of skills.
People do what they do for what they think are very good reasons. In my experience working with organizations, there’s always a power differential at work when there’s a lack of direct communications. Ironically, leaders sometimes feel a lack of power themselves when dealing with subordinates. How can that be true?

“There’s always a power differential at work when there’s a lack of direct communications.”

Sometimes, there’s simply power in numbers. I’ve worked with CEOs who were afraid of their executive team because they needed their unconditional support to get anything accomplished and were afraid to raise issues that they knew were controversial.
Lack of skill is another common reason for indirect communications. While there’s a whole slew of conflict skills in any good conflict management class, as well as my book, The Power of a Good Fight, one of the most useful ways to change people’s approach to conflict is to simply change the definition of conflict. The one I use is that conflict is a negotiation that we don’t know we’re having. Many people may possess good negotiation skills but view conflict as so charged, they simply don’t utilize those skills during a kerfuffle they’ve labeled as conflict.

What Should You Do?

Leaders can do three important things if they’re feeling the negative effect of indirect communication in their organization:

  1. Model and name the game.Use skillful direct communication yourself and make it clear that you expect it from others.
  2. If people are not communicating directly with you, approach them in a skillful and matter-of-fact way. Say:  “I know you’ve been communicating about x with Mary instead of me. I’m sorry that this has occurred. What can I do to make it easier for you to speak with me directly?”
  3. Provide conflict management classes for all your employees.  Attend the workshops yourself and model the suggested skills.

 Did You Know

We provide conflict management workshops as stand-alone classes, a well as part of our leadership sessions.

Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com

Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at:
 
Be sure to read Lynne’s book The Power of a Good Fight.
The Power of a Good Fight
Workplaces That Work | (303) 216-1020 | lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
3985 Wonderland Hill | Suite 106 | Boulder, CO 80304

Newsletter – What Leaders Should Learn From the Harvey Weinstein Scandal

October 16, 2017

What Leaders Should Learn From the Harvery Weinstein Scandal

HarassmentWhile the complaints of sexual harassment and sexual assault against Harvey Weinstein — the famous Hollywood film producer and power broker — may be extreme, the scandal provides valuable lessons for leaders.  https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/05/us/harvey-weinstein-harassment-allegations.html?_r=0

According to the allegations, the organization settled at least eight different claims against the media mogul, stretching back decades. In addition, scores of other women have now come forward with similar complaints. Allegedly, many other executives knew about the settlements, as well as Weinstein’s pattern of inappropriate behavior. Because HR was viewed as weak, many of the mostly young women waited years to complain and only recently came forward.

“The lesson here: you can’t just look the other way.”

Although Weinstein has now resigned, the company has suffered immeasurable losses in future legal fees and settlements, productivity and public relations. Leaders who want to avoid a similar fate should pay attention to this story.

What Should You Do?

Leaders should follow two important rules with regard to sexual harassment and sexual assault in the workplace:

  1. Don’t ignore rumors. In my experience, in a situation such as Weinstein’s, “everyone knew but no one did anything.” I’ve heard this assertion in many different situations. When I ask why no one investigated, the frequent response is that they couldn’t investigate a rumor. If, however, they heard a rumor that someone was bringing a loaded gun to work, I suspect the response would differ. The lesson here:  you can’t just look the other way.
  2. Create a complaint friendly environment. In this case, women didn’t come forward because they didn’t think they would be believed and they didn’t think that HR would do anything. Leaders frequently tell me that they have enough complaints and certainly don’t want to encourage more, but trust me, it’s much better that you deal with the situation internally instead of having the first notice be what you read or hear in the press. You want to know what’s going on with your people.

 Did You Know

All of our sessions and consulting on harassment, discrimination and diversity issues help leaders understand their obligation to be responsible for their own environment, investigate rumors and encourage complaints.

Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com

Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at:
 
Be sure to read Lynne’s book on Sexual Harassment.Affirmative Action
Workplaces That Work | (303) 216-1020 | lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
3985 Wonderland Hill | Suite 106 | Boulder, CO 80304

Newsletter – Want to Avoid Dove’s PR Diversity Disaster? Here’s How

October 9, 2017

How Can You Prevent a Las Vegas Disaster in Your Workplace? Take These Steps

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This week, Dove briefly ran an online ad showing a black woman magically transforming into a white woman, presumably because she used Dove. Sharp-eyed social media users trashed the ad for its lack of awareness about diversity and inclusion issues, as well as Unilever’s (the corporate maker of Dove) lack of knowledge about the history of soap ads showing people transformed from black to white after using their products.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/08/business/dove-ad-racist.html?_r=0

“How extensive is YOUR diversity and inclusion training?”

While Unilever removed the ad and apologized for “missing the mark”, the criticism continued.

While it’s difficult to see how their marketing executives could have missed the obvious message, there are ways to avoid similar PR disasters.

What Should You Do?

To avoid Dove’s fate, consider the following:

  • Who makes similar decisions in your organization? How diverse is the group? Who has a seat at the table?
  • How extensive is your diversity and inclusion training? Have you educated your people so – at the very least – advertising campaigns that attempt to raise diversity issues will not be launched without careful review?
  • How inclusive is your recruiting effort? Is your organization diverse and inclusive?

Nothing hurts a brand more than a PR misstep such as Dove’s. While any threatened boycott may or may not materialize, you can avoid a similar tsunami if you follow these suggestions.

 Did You Know

Our diversity and inclusion sessions and consulting helps organizations prevent these kinds of issues.

Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com

Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at:
 

Be sure to read Lynne’s books on Affirmative Action and Sexual Harassment

Books

Workplaces That Work | (303) 216-1020 | lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
3985 Wonderland Hill | Suite 106 | Boulder, CO 80304

Newsletter – How Can You Prevent a Las Vegas Disaster in Your Workplace? Take These Steps

September 25, 2017

How Can You Prevent a Las Vegas Disaster in Your Workplace? Take These Steps

It’s hard to focus on work during this sad day when we’ve had the worst mass shooting in U.S. history:  58 dead so far and more than 500 hurt by the shooting or resulting stampede. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/02/us/las-vegas-shooting.html?action=click&contentCollection=U.S.&module=RelatedCoverage®ion=EndOfArticle&pgtype=article
Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and their families and yet we may feel hopeless, as if there’s nothing we can do.

There are specific steps we can take to improve our chance of keeping our workplaces safe, however (and it’s important to remember that both the hotel and the concert venue were someone’s workplace).

Most workplace violence is not this horrific, of course, but leaders still need to take steps to make sure that it doesn’t happen.

A few years ago, post office employees were most likely to be victims of workplace violence. Surprisingly, the percentage of violent incidents in most industries is about the same as the post office. Why? Because there are more employees who work for the postal service than any other employer in the U.S., except the military. The good news about all the postal incidents is that they have been extensively studied and in every case, the perpetrator exhibited warning signs.

What follows is the list of these signs, although it’s important to remember that they are usually clustered, meaning that the perpetrators exhibited more than one sign:

WARNING SIGNS

Threatening and Disturbing Behavior
–  direct and indirect threats
–  mood swings, depression, bizarre statements, delusions of persecution
History of Violence
–  domestic violence, verbal abuse, antisocial activities
Romantic Obsession
–  beyond sexual attraction
–  victim may be unaware of degree of attraction
Alcohol or Drug Abuse
Deep Depression
–  self-destructive behavior
–  loners
–  unkempt physical appearance, despair, sluggish decision making
Pathological Blamer
–  accepts no responsibility for his or her actions
–  constantly blames co-workers, employer, government, the system
Impaired Ability to Function
–  poor impulse control
Elevated Frustration with Environment
Obsession with Weapons
–  ownership of gun or gun collection, combined with antisocial behavior
–  fascination with shooting skills or weapon-related activity
Personality Disorder
–  antisocial or borderline personality disorders
–  irritable, aggressive, often involved in disputes or fights with others
–  may steal or destroy property with little remorse
–  borderline personality shows moodiness, instability, impulsive action, easily agitated

What Should You Do?

While we may never know why the Vegas shooter did what he did, you should make sure that your leaders and employees:

  • receive training in preventing workplace violence;
  • take any threats seriously; and
  • are familiar with your policy about threats and violence and enforce the policy.

 Did You Know

Our harassment, management and conflict training all include sections on preventing threats and violence.

We also can customize stand alone training on preventing violence.

Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com

Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at:
 
Be sure to read Lynne’s book “The Power of a Good Fight” and learn to embrace conflict
to drive productivity, creativity and innovation.
      
Workplaces That Work | (303) 216-1020 | lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
3985 Wonderland Hill | Suite 106 | Boulder, CO 80304

Newsletter – Are You Asking the Right Question? Problem Solving as Problem Reframing

September 25, 2017

Are You Asking the Right Question? Problem Solving as Problem Reframing

We all have problems sitting on our desks. For most of us, solving problems is how we spend our days — leaving little time for long-term thinking and planning — but that’s a different post!

What I find, however, when facilitating group discussions of various issues, is that frequently they haven’t stepped back to focus on how to define or reframe the problem, which can lead to dramatically different results.

“Asking the right question before you begin problem solving usually leads to more sustainable solutions.”

Take, for example, a typical call to our office about a valued executive whose people skills need work. Usually, the executive’s inappropriate behavior is long-standing. The request may be for one-on-one sensitivity training or coaching because the problem has been defined as: “how can we get this person to change?” Sometimes, that is indeed the right inquiry. Yet a deeper question that we always ask is: how has your culture allowed this behavior to continue? While individual coaching may also be an effective solution, a culture of “looking the other way”, one where complaints are discouraged, or where other people exhibit the same behavior, may be the real issue.
Asking the right question before you begin problem solving usually leads to more sustainable solutions.

What Should You Do?

Before you dive into individual or group brainstorming about a problem, stop and take some time to make sure you’re asking the right question. There are various techniques you can use to make sure you can do this such as inviting outsiders into the group, looking for exceptions to the problem and so on. For a good discussion of quick ways to do this go to https://hbr.org/2017/01/are-you-solving-the-right-problems

 Did You Know

Techniques for asking the right questions are included in all our leadership classes.

Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com

Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at:
 
Be sure to read Lynne’s book “The Power of a Good Fight” and learn to embrace conflict
to drive productivity, creativity and innovation.
      
Workplaces That Work | (303) 216-1020 | lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
3985 Wonderland Hill | Suite 106 | Boulder, CO 80304

Newsletter – How Emotional Intelligence Assessments Can Help Leaders Change

September 18, 2017

How Emotional Intelligence Assessments Can Help Leaders Change

When you are struggling to change a leader’s behavior (or perhaps your own!) a confidential emotional intelligence assessment can help. Studies have shown that emotional intelligence is just as important in driving success as your IQ.

Emotional intelligence is one’s ability to empathize with others, identify, evaluate, control and express one’s own emotions, and perceive and assess the emotions of others.

We use the most advanced and scientifically validated form of emotional intelligence assessment with our clients, EQi, or EQ 2.0 https://ei.mhs.com/EQi.aspx

“Studies have shown that emotional intelligence is just as important 

in driving success as your IQ.”

Frequently, we will recommend an emotional intelligence assessment in conjunction with one-on-one sensitivity coaching in order to allow the leader to understand their own reactivity in the workplace. Group assessment – where we use an additional EQi  tool to identify trends and group issues – can also help change the dynamic of a group.

What Should You Do?

  • Consider adding an EQi assessment if you are recommending coaching for a leader. Such an assessment can make the difference in driving behavioral change. The assessment can be especially useful in conjunction with one-on-one sensitivity coaching.
  • Make sure the assessment is confidential to encourage honesty.
  • Select a provider who uses a sophisticated version of the assessment and make certain that you integrate the assessment into coaching or training.
  • Ask the provider to follow-up to make sure that the required awareness and behavior change is occurring.
  • Consider asking the entire group to take the assessment so that you can understand the group dynamics.

 Did You Know

As mentioned above, we provide emotional intelligence assessments as a part of our overall coaching programs.
                          Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at:
Be sure to read Lynne’s book “The Power of a Good Fight” and learn to embrace conflict
to drive productivity, creativity and innovation.
      
Workplaces That Work | (303) 216-1020 | lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
3985 Wonderland Hill | Suite 106 | Boulder, CO 80304

Newsletter – One-on-One Sensitivity Training: What to do When a Leader Doesn’t Behave Well

September 11, 2017

One-on-One Sensitivity Training: What to do When a Leader Doesn’t Behave Well

It seems to be a classic client request. You have a leader who is a high performer in every way except for his or her brusque, bullying or potentially harassing behavior directed towards the people he or she manages. The client wants the behavior of the executive to change and would like us to conduct one-on-one sensitivity sessions. They want the leader to behave in a way that’s kinder, gentler and more in line with their values.

            “No discussion of consequences results in no change.”

Unfortunately, defending a claim based on this behavior requires an embarrassing defense:  “I treat everyone this way.” Your annoyed attorneys will have to put on witnesses testifying that yes, indeed, the bad actor treated them this way also. The jury or judge may well come to the conclusion that the leader is a jerk and find a way to nail them even if it’s not technically a legal violation.

What Should You Do?

One-on-one sensitivity training can work but requires the following:
  • A consultant who focuses on the law, your policy, and values, as opposed to suggesting that “someone might be offended by” the leader’s actions.
  • Make sure that both the consultant and the leader understand what kind of behavior must change.
  • Make sure that they both understand the consequences if change doesn’t happen. In my experience, no discussion of consequences results in no change.
  • Provide the consultant with specific behavioral examples of the kind of behavior you are concerned about:  what did they do or so, not just vague descriptions.
  • Ideally, follow-up with a workshop for the whole group that the leader manages, as well as his or her peers. Frequently, this kind of behavior is a problem because of a culture that has allowed it to continue.  

 Did You Know

We provide the kind of one-on-one sensitivity training that works.

Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com

Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at:
 
Be sure to read Lynne’s book “The Power of a Good Fight” and learn to embrace conflict
to drive productivity, creativity and innovation.
      
Workplaces That Work | (303) 216-1020 | lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
3985 Wonderland Hill | Suite 106 | Boulder, CO 80304

Newsletter – Why Do You Get So Many Emails? What You Should Do Today!

September 5, 2017

Why Do You Get So Many Emails? WHat You Should Do Today!

In 1997 David Shenk wrote a book called Data Smog and much of it still holds true today. http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2007/07/the_e_decade.html

Most of us spend an unholy part of our day sorting, trashing and analyzing the constant deluge of data that we receive from our computers, phones and other devices. A coaching client once told me that she had received 80 emails in the hour we had been speaking!

“If you really need to read every email that 
your people send out, 
clearly you need different people!”

While information is power, too much information creates nothing but confusion. If you are a leader, you need to find a way to sift through what is relevant and what is not.
While there are many techniques out there, one that I suggest you consider today is making sure that your staff is not copying you on every email. I have coached leaders who insist on this practice and I can’t imagine anything more crazy-making. If you really need to read every email that your people send out, clearly you need different people!

What Should You Do?
As a leader, your job needs to be to carve out some time every day to rise above the fray, think creatively and strategically. If you are receiving 80 emails an hour, you are not going to have the time and energy for that. One of my former clients, a tech leader, famously had his IT people take the “reply all” function off everyone’s computers because he was so angry about the daily deluge of emails. If you need to micro-manage your own staff so thoroughly that you are reviewing every email, something needs to change. You either need a new staff or they need a new leader!

 Did You Know

In all of our management and leadership classes we consider the question of prioritizing your time as a leader, including email overload.

For more information, call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com

 
Be sure to read Lynne’s book “We Need to Talk — Tough Conversations With Your Employee”
and learn how to tackle any topic with sensitivity and smarts.
      
Workplaces That Work | (303) 216-1020 | lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
3985 Wonderland Hill | Suite 106 | Boulder, CO 80304