How Much Influence Do You Have? More Than You Think

How Much Influence Do You Have? More Than You Think

Stanley Milgram’s Famous Experiment:  One of the most famous psychology experiments of all time is when Milgram asked volunteers to inflict pain (an electric shock) on another volunteer in order to see who would agree with the “authority’s” requests and who would refuse, the so-called “obedience experiments.”  Volunteers were not told the purpose of the experiment: they were told, instead, that the test was about memory.

The common interpretation of this experiment is that most people would indeed deliver a painful shock to others if asked to do so by an authority figure. The student in the other room was actually an actor receiving no physical pain. The study created enormous controversy and purported to prove that people could be easily manipulated.

As we listen to the details of the research, we can’t help but wonder what we would do. Would we actually agree to inflict pain on a stranger?

But What Was the “Authority” Figure Thinking? Most of the commentators have asked about what the receivers of the instruction to inflict pain were thinking, not what the authority figures were feeling. More recent researchers have suggested that instead of asking how the world affects us, why not ask how we affect the world?  How did it feel to make these requests of strangers to inflict pain on others?

The Power of Rejection:  One explanation is the power of rejection: how most of us are afraid to be rejected and focus on that, as opposed to considering who might say “yes” to any request. For most of us, our perceptions of the influence we have on other people is wrong. We have a poor idea of our affect on others. We underestimate the influence we have over others and we overestimate how easy it is to say no to someone. This can lead to good or ill. History is, of course, full of examples of mass manipulation and where that can lead.

What Should You Do?

Understand Your Power: We tend to focus on our own anxiety instead of that of others, what psychologists call “an egocentric bias.” The people who ask us for favors are not gods, we may forget that we have the power to say no. In current experiments following up on Milgram, volunteers doubled their estimates of the number of people they would have to ask for a favor over the actual reality.

Think About How the Recipient’s Feel: Obviously, as an ethical leader, you don’t want to be asking your associates to do anything that’s illegal, immoral or fattening. Yet you may be surprised to know how many of your requests will be granted.

Researchers have learned that we tend to avoid situations where we’ll be asked to do something (such as give money), yet if we’re asked on the spot, we’re much more likely to say yes. Surprisingly, people may even agree to something unethical because they’re too uncomfortable to say no. 

Avoid Egocentric Bias: There’s a vast gulf between what we think we would do if someone requested something and what we would actually do. The social anxiety in rejecting a request is so strong that we are frequently shocked at how we would respond to what someone asks. In the workplace, for example, bullies and harassers may not even realize how they affect others because of egocentric bias; they may assume that people can say no to what they’re asking. The power of this influence explains a lot about why people may be reluctant to say no to romantic requests.

For more information on the power of persuasion, go to Workplaces That Work Monday Memos.

What Do You Think?

When you ask someone to do something, what do you focus on: how they feel or how you feel? Call or write us at:  303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com