Think Someone on Your Staff is Lying? Think Again!

Think Someone on Your Staff is Lying? Think Again!

The Unfortunate Truth:  If you are a leader, you have experienced trying to sort out your people’s stories as you try to resolve a conflict, calm an angry customer or conduct an investigation. You may wonder how two – or three, or four – people could have sat in the same meeting and yet arrived in your office with such different versions of who said what when. Frustrated, you may conclude that someone must be lying. Not so fast!

The Science of Memory:   To understand how everyone may be telling the truth as they understand it, listen to the latest science on NPR’s Hidden Brain, “Did That Really Happen? How Our Memories Betray Us”

Most of us like to believe that we remember events as if we had an instant video replay, yet modern science disputes our beliefs: “Memory is not like a video camera; a better way to think of it is as an act of reconstruction, or what you might call “mental paleontology.” This is the analogy that psychologist Ayanna Thomas likes to use.”

In other words, we may think the bone we find in a dig is that of a brontosaurus, if that’s the only dinosaur we know, yet someone else may assert that we’ve uncovered a new type we’ve never even named.

Why Our View of Memory Matters:  If we think that our own – or our pet employee’s – version of events must be the truth, we can make decisions based on the wrong information. For example, as the nation watched Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearings, most of us picked a side. We assumed that either he, or Christine Blasey Ford, must be lying since their version of events differed so shockingly. We failed to consider the possibility that they were both telling the truth as best as they remembered the events in question.

We’ve all had this experience in our personal lives. If we’re rushing out of the house, for example, and we ask our spouse or partner to pick up the kids after soccer before they’ve mainlined their essential caffeine, we may return home to an empty house. Are they lying when they swear that we didn’t ask them to take on this task? Are we lying when we assert that we did? Probably not. We just have different perspectives of the same event.

What Should You Do?

Assume Positive Intent. If you have two staff people who have consistently performed in a useful and honest way, do not automatically assume that one of them must be shading the truth if they provide different reports. We all hear what we want to hear, or what our history or culture tells us must be reality.

Dig Deep to Find Out What Happened. If the two versions of an event cannot be reconciled, take the time to seek other input. Realize that you won’t be able to instantly find the “truth.” In fact, you may never know what “really” happened, only the different perspectives of your people. You will have to decide based on the versions of the facts at hand and your own independent judgment.

Seek Reconciliation. The Quakers opine that we “all have a piece of the truth.” Frequently, that’s the best you can do. Try not to settle for a binary solution, but for a consensus that meets everyone’s needs and interests.

For more information on investigations and consensus, read these Monday Memos:

Want to Bullet Proof Decision Making? Here’s How
Why is Building Consensus So Hard? What You Need to Know
Decisions! Decisions! How Objective Are You Really?

What Do You Think?

Have you observed behavior in yourself and others that seems completely out of character? Call or write us at:303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com