Want to Make Sure Your Feedback is Heard? Here’s How

 Want to Make Sure Your Feedback is Heard? Here’s How

Criticism That Stings:  We’ve all been there: received feedback that hurt or mystified. The other person may opine that they are trying to be helpful, constructive or direct, but we are left feeling deflated, angry or unsure of what they want.

What the Research Reveals:  As leaders, we may think we are being clear but psychological research shows the opposite: we are often too indirect and abstract. Most feedback is too general to be helpful.

 Common Mistakes:  In coaching leaders and conducting investigations, I find that vague feedback simply doesn’t land. A leader may say that an associate “doesn’t respect the group”, “communicates poorly” or “has a bad attitude”, but what do these terms mean?

My son, for example, is a talented musician and singer. (We’ve always insisted that he have a day job as well, just in case this whole rich and famous thing doesn’t work out.) In his most recent group, he was the front man, in a band they call Punk. (For the record, it doesn’t seem like punk to me; not like the Ramones were punk, more like screamo, but I digress.) He performs his Mick Jagger routine with style and verve, dancing and prancing like a seasoned rock star, while his Mom hides in the back to avoid embarrassing him. Trust me, the kid has attitude.

But, it’s probably not the attitude that you want rocking out in your workplace. So, if we’re trying to correct someone’s attitude, we have to be much more specific about what a good attitude looks like, as well as providing examples of a bad one.

What Should You Do?

Use Effective Feedback:  As research conducted at Harvard Business School and elsewhere has shown (Harvard Business Review, November-December 2019, Cracking the Code of Sustained Collaboration, feedback is most effective if it is direct, specific and applicable.

When you want someone to listen and be able to change:
1) be straightforward in how you address a person, don’t equivocate; 2) identify the particular behavior that worked (or didn’t); and 3) describe the impact of the behavior on you and others.

Avoid the Abstract and General:  Feedback is more effective if we are concrete and provide vivid images of goals. As yourself: “what am I trying to accomplish?” If the recipient can’t understand why the conversation is happening, they are unlikely to absorb the message and change their behavior. Craft your message to be clear, specific and include a purpose.

For example, don’t say: “Be more respectful of your teammates.” Say instead: “If you want help on an assignment, ask your group member if they have time to talk, whether they have the bandwidth to accomplish the project, and let them know why it’s important to the team’s goals.”

For more ideas on effective feedback, go to:

How to Give Your Team Feedback That Works
This Year, Resolve to Use Feedforward NOT Feedback
What Are the Two Things You Need to Make 360 Feedback Successful?

What Do You Think?
What makes feedback effective? Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com