Newsletter – What is Condescending or Demeaning Behavior and Why You Should Care

What is Condescending or Demeaning Behavior and Why You Should Care

Many complaints about bullying involve what complainants label as condescending or demeaning behavior. When coaching those accused of this behavior, we find that they frequently do not understand what we mean by those terms.

Here are some suggested definitions and examples:

• Condescending behavior is having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority; showing that you consider yourself better or more intelligent. It is usually intended to make people feel bad about not knowing or having something and it often works.
• Examples of condescending behavior include acting as if you know everything and are not open to new ideas, reacting to an upset with “well, that’s never happened to me”, offering unsolicited advice (unless you are a supervisor), not being open to feedback, referring to people in the group in the third person (even if they are sitting right there), using pet names, talking over other people.
• Demeaning behavior is that which is intended to cause a severe loss in the dignity and respect of someone; words or actions intended to debase, lower, degrade, discredit or devalue a person.
• Examples of demeaning behavior include criticizing a person in front of others, making jokes at another person’s expense, rolling eyes after someone’s comments, making sarcastic comments about a person.

NOTE: In most situations, these behaviors do not violate the law or most employers’ policies unless they are based on protected characteristics.