 It’s some of the most annoying behavior in any organization: a leader who avoids conflict, associates who gossip instead of speaking to the person who can solve the problem, and managers who haven’t spoken to one another in years. The common denominator in all of these situations is a lack of direct communication.
Why don’t people communicate directly? Two reasons: 1) fear of someone they view as more powerful; and 2) lack of skills.
People do what they do for what they think are very good reasons. In my experience working with organizations, there’s always a power differential at work when there’s a lack of direct communications. Ironically, leaders sometimes feel a lack of power themselves when dealing with subordinates. How can that be true?
“There’s always a power differential at work when there’s a lack of direct communications.”
Sometimes, there’s simply power in numbers. I’ve worked with CEOs who were afraid of their executive team because they needed their unconditional support to get anything accomplished and were afraid to raise issues that they knew were controversial.
Lack of skill is another common reason for indirect communications. While there’s a whole slew of conflict skills in any good conflict management class, as well as my book, The Power of a Good Fight, one of the most useful ways to change people’s approach to conflict is to simply change the definition of conflict. The one I use is that conflict is a negotiation that we don’t know we’re having. Many people may possess good negotiation skills but view conflict as so charged, they simply don’t utilize those skills during a kerfuffle they’ve labeled as conflict.
What Should You Do?
Leaders can do three important things if they’re feeling the negative effect of indirect communication in their organization:
- Model and name the game.Use skillful direct communication yourself and make it clear that you expect it from others.
- If people are not communicating directly with you, approach them in a skillful and matter-of-fact way. Say: “I know you’ve been communicating about x with Mary instead of me. I’m sorry that this has occurred. What can I do to make it easier for you to speak with me directly?”
- Provide conflict management classes for all your employees. Attend the workshops yourself and model the suggested skills.
 Did You Know
We provide conflict management workshops as stand-alone classes, a well as part of our leadership sessions.
Call or write us at: 303-216-1020 or Lynne@workplacesthatwork.com
Learn more about our training offerings and check out our team members at:
Be sure to read Lynne’s book The Power of a Good Fight.
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October 23, 2017
